


All We Could Have Lost

by saltwaterandpromises



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 16:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3073871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltwaterandpromises/pseuds/saltwaterandpromises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The nightly terrors return. They always do, attacking with a perpetual ruthlessness that even the strongest people will tire from."</p><p>AU where Steve Rogers makes it out of the plane despite it crashing into the ice and has to deal with the repercussions of the war. Fortunately for him, Peggy Carter is right there beside him to help him through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All We Could Have Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this work for effietrinkets for the 2014 Steggy Secret Santa. I hope you enjoy!

The late night starlight pushes its way into the room. The great twinkling of many stars reduced to nothing but a soft white light in their little room. Steve stirs in his sleep, tosses a bit, then curls into the fetal position. Those not keen on details may not notice a soft groan escaping his lips. Peggy is not one of these people. She has somehow managed to train her body to listen for this sound and alert her. Her brain tells her to get up and attend to Steve. Thus, she pushes her eyes open and shuffles over until she is positioned next to her lover with a firm hug around him. As usual, Steve curls into her embrace. With the peace of sleep returning, Peggy allows herself to return to her dreams. They both stay that way for a while- tangled up together. After some time, however, they must inevitably change their sleeping positions, and Peggy ends up on her side of the bed, with her and Steve facing opposite directions. Peggy is too far asleep to be woken. Her day was exhausting and her REM cycles are well-deserved. Besides, she thinks, Steve’s already had one unfortunate occurrence tonight, and the chances of another are slim. She keeps her watch up, just in case, though.

 

The nightly terrors return. They always do, attacking with a perpetual ruthlessness that even the strongest people will tire from. Peggy was correct in saying not everyone can be perfect. Even the greatest super soldier the world has ever known- Captain America- turns over in his sleep, groans, and wakes with a start. His body tells him to sit up quickly, and he obliges. Now upright, Steve whips his head to the left and then to the right to search for any sign of danger or distress that may exist in his surroundings. He finds none.

 

“It was just another dream,” he thinks, shaking his head as though that would make all the troubles of the past exit his mind. Slow, he bends his knees and puts his arms around his knees, placing his head in the hollow between his once knobby knees.

 

“The war has given so much,” he ponders, “Strength, health, sturdy legs, and horrendous memories.” He stops then, not wanting to give in to the war and allow it to take all his happiness. Thus, he mentally lists the small victories that came about because of the war: his rag tag new group of friends (the Howling Commandos), the ability to fight for what is moral and just, and, above all, love. Strong, powerful, loyal Peggy is the absolute love of his life. His mind drifts...

 

At this point, Peggy finally shifts. Awoken by Steve’s sudden movements, she rolls over to face Steve, only to realize that he is in no way about to drift back to sleep like he had earlier in the night. She finds Steve now sitting with his hands cupping the top of his head, with his elbows resting on his knees. There is a distance worry blazing in his eyes.

 

“Steve?” Peggy says slowly and quietly, “Darling?”

   

Steve takes his arms off of his head that is going a million miles and hour. He turns to face Peggy. Gosh, was this what it had come to? Did his own battles need to bring Peggy down, too? No, he thinks. No, this need not concern Peggy.

 

“I’m fine, Peggy. It was just...” he shakes his head as if to clear it, “I’m all right. Go back to bed.”

 

"Oh, Steve," Peggy cooed as only she could, “Come here, darling.”

 

The captain relented, slowly inching over to their shared bed and sitting on its edge. He is just close enough to Peggy; she can reach out and touch his sagged shoulders, but can not fully wrap her arms around him. No matter though. She understands. Steve needs a bit of space. In a minute or two, he will be cradled in her sure arms with his head resting upon her strong shoulder.

 

Peggy gives it a minute and then gently inquires, “What’s ailing you, Steve?”

 

Steve tilts his head up to face her loving eyes. After a second, he breaks eye contact, pulls away from Peggy until he is completely out of her grasp, and sits with his body turned towards her.

 

Looking at his feet, Steve replies, “I just keep thinking... about the war... about Bucky...” Peggy gives a small disapproving frown.

 

“And I know I shouldn’t be thinking about him because you were right. Your logic is sound, but, Peggy, I can’t stop thinking about all I- all we- lost in this war.” Peggy grips his hands, squeezes, and waits for him to look up into her eyes. He does so, and they exchange and silent understanding too profound to even begin to explain in words.

 

“Peggy, honey, I can’t stop thinking about all we could have lost. Do you know how lucky we are to even be having this awful conversation? I mean, I know- I know you do but, Peggy... The chances of me making it out that plane despite it crashing in the arctic... My goodness, Peggy... I-I...”

 

She pulls him closer to her, embracing him once again, and he welcomes the warm, reassuring touch by shuffling quickly back into her arms. His eyes have started to spew water and hers are threatening to spill over as well.

 

“Shhh... It’s okay. It’s all right, Steve. Shhh...” she whispers into his ear. They take a few minutes just holding each other and rocking back and forth. After a while they both quiet down, leaving behind a knowing understanding in the silence surrounding them.

 

Then Steve speaks up and says, “The war was a horrible time, Peggy. A lot of us weren’t thinking clearly. Our actions were reckless and stupid, but I am so sorry I put you through the whole ordeal with me crashing that damn plane into the ice. You didn’t deserve that. No one does- but especially not you.”

 

“Steve, it’s all right. It’s behind us now. The world has changed and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over. We have a new life now that the war is over, Steve. You take it one day at a time and who knows? Together we can create a better world- or at least we can help do so.”

 

 

* * *

 

    She was right, of course. Peggy is always, in one way or another, correct. There’s always someone there ready to back her up. In terms of SHIELD, Steve Rogers is the one to team up with Peggy.Together with Howard Stark, Colonel Phillips, and Captain America himself, Peggy Carter establishes and runs the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistic Division. Looking at the wall of founding members with Steve’s arm around her waist and finding her picture next to Steve’s makes her so proud.

  
    “We’ve done it. Together, we are going to build a better future, and there’s no one I’d rather have by my side to experience it with,” she thinks. She smiles at Steve, who is looking down on her with the exact same thought in his mind. Their lips meet.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction for this fandom, so please be kind!


End file.
